It doesn’t have to be that way.
Most people don’t set out to be angry. A button gets pushed and they’re gone. They don’t plan it. It just happens. All the good intentions in the world go by the wayside once they’re triggered. Most often, it’s angry hurtful words. In extreme cases it can result in physical assaults.
These seemingly uncontrolled responses seldom make the situation better. So why do people who appear calm and rational other times have such sensitive “switches”? The answer lies in the non-logical parts of our brains. Just behind the forehead, lies the prefrontal cortex which is responsible for our logical thoughts and planning. Everything else behind that plays a reactive supporting role. When we’re feeling calm, cool and collected, we have great blood flow to the logical brain. It gets to largely stay in charge and works pretty well.
As soon as we become stressed, blood flow begins to be diverted to the more primitive survival portions of the brain. Now we’re in reactive mode. Our body gets tense, hormones flood our system and we become combative as our central nervous system triggers the fight part of the basic fight/flight/freeze survival modes. What determines these responses in reactive mode? The subconscious mind.