Protecting relationships & help for low libido

As a holistic practitioner and funded programs administrator for EvinceNatural’s Equilib Nutrient/Enzyme Protocol, I quickly discovered that many of my clients who initially came for physical or emotional pain and anxiety also were reporting problems with low libido or loss of sexual desire. As they reported responding to the Equilib Nutrient/Enzyme Protocol, many reported their libidos were recovering as well.

This shouldn’t be surprising. If people are suffering deficiencies enough to affect their physical and/or emotional health, the complex mental, physical, emotional and hormonal factors which affect sexual desire and function would logically often be affected as well. The relief from feelings of stress and anxiety and the attendant libido improvements clients have reported are also highlighted in a recent research study. When men with ED were entered into a support group, the majority reported significant improvement in their ability to achieve and maintain normal physical responses. This clearly demonstrates the direct effect stress, including an exaggerated degree of performance anxiety can have on physical desire and functioning. The following techniques and knowledge may allow many to feel a much deeper sense of trust and security within their relationships; helping take the brakes off their abilities to fully respond to their partners physically and emotionally.

Even in relationships where there are no significant mental or emotional issues on either side, misunderstandings, hurts and lack of connection can have a major dampening effect on a couple’s ability to share real physical intimacy with all the excitement and pleasure our minds and bodies were designed to experience.

One common theme from both men and women is feeling hungry or even starved for affection. A simple yet powerful habit to begin satisfying the human need for connection and affection with our partner is mindful hugging. Agree that for one week, you will spend at least thirty seconds in a full body hug every day when coming together again; no cheating and cutting it short because you’re busy or the kids are clamoring. Once started, most make this a daily tradition for the rest of their lives. Physiologically a simple thirty second time out together causes a flood of oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone” which reduces stress and promotes bonding, security and trust. Mindful hugging is a wonderful tool, benefiting any marriage no matter how secure.

However, from what I’ve seen in my work and campfire conversations with couples, there’s a common issue affecting most couples to some degree; even those that are secure and happy.

There’s a fundamental difference between most men and women when it comes to sex. Everyone understands that women typically desire their partners physically when they’re feeling close and connected. What very few women know and most men don’t think to articulate-or even realize themselves- is that for men, sex is how they feel close and connected. Many women are highly skeptical when hearing this, but it’s the truth.

For women, there’s often the sense “he’s just looking for his own selfish pleasure”. Any expressions of love or affection tend to be seen through this lens, interpreted as self-serving and are often rebuffed. For men, they may never know when they’ll next get to feel that closeness, connection and love. They keep trying, hoping the more often they try, the better the chances of meeting their emotional needs.

Sadly, the frequent attempts can make women feel harried and not loved for themselves. For men, the fact that so many of their advances are not met with approval means they may start to feel they’re just a bother to their wives. In addition, usually having to be the instigator can leave them feeling undesirable and unloved. There’s an unhappy sense that they’re just a nuisance she puts up with to keep peace.

Breaking the cycle. A brilliant marriage and family counselor interviewed his male and female clients individually. He discovered most healthy men and women in basically solid marriages reported sex 2-3 times per week would be great if there were no negative emotional issues around it. He created a simple yet brilliant program. The man could initiate sex once, but could not then initiate sex for the next three days. His partner on the other hand was required to initiate sex sometime in the next three days at her discretion. There would be some mutually agreed upon penalty for not complying; something not too serious, but enough to keep the program from going off track.

Once this was in place, women could receive all the love and affection their husbands could offer on the off days and know that it simply came from being appreciated for the person and partner she is. For the men, they could feel secure in their desirability to their spouses and know that in the not too distant future, their emotional needs will be met again. For many couples this has revitalized their relationships. Making them feel a fundamental sense of security and happiness with themselves and their partners.

This is important for keeping relationships strong during times of stress or health challenges. A recent study found that regular lovemaking made relationships much more bullet proof to non-relationship stressors including ill health or financial challenges. Other research shows that it’s extremely rare for sex to be a health risk even in cases of severe heart conditions or stroke. In fact sex has myriad physical as well as emotional benefits. It’s normal for happy couples to continue to make love even into their nineties.

The above is written largely for those with no serious emotional, loss of libido or physical challenges affecting desire and capability. Those with more serious underlying issues are welcome to contact the author to discuss options. Sometimes discomfort from conditions such as over active bladder, Interstitial Cystitis, Vulvodynia, severe PMS, Endometriosis or Fibromyalgia are the primary issue. Women with these conditions will likely qualify to participate in a funded eight week program using the Equilib Nutrient/Enzyme Protocol at no cost to them or their healthcare providers.

Hugs don’t cure everything, they just feel as though they do.-Dean Verger

Yours in happy love.

David Gilbert
EcoSys Wellness Center

The above is not intended as medical advice. As always, consult with your physician before making changes.