Recovery from grief: A new perspective

During the decades of using Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT or Tapping) in my career, I’ve worked with many suffering various stages of loss.  We all face grief or loss at some point in our lives.  For most it’s a painful but appropriate honoring and recognition of that which is gone; followed by the usual stages of recovery.  Too often however, I see clients who are stuck.  It’s been years or perhaps decades and they still can’t let go.

In each of these cases to date, it’s been subconscious beliefs which have held them hostage to the pain. They’ve robbed them of access to happy memories and prevented them from being free to move on with satisfying lives.  With EFT, we’ve started with the smallest pieces or aspects at the top of the pile of thoughts or feelings. Then step by step we’ve moved further as each of these small aspects lost their power to cause distress.  By moving at a pace the subconscious felt safe with, most have found they’ve been quite painlessly and rapidly able to approach the root harmful beliefs and rewrite them to fit their current reality.

These subconscious beliefs are most commonly:

My feelings of grief and/or loss are all I have left of that person or relationship. If I let go of them it will be the final loss. I’ll be left totally bereft and that’s too hard; or even unimaginable.

2) If I let go of the pain it will mean I didn’t care enough. What kind of person would I be? Recovery would be a betrayal.

3) Guilt; even when the conscious mind knows the guilt is not reasonable. “I don’t deserve to let go or be happy again”.

4) It’s my identity. If I let go of the pain and grief, I won’t know who I am; I won’t feel safe.

5) In some cases, clients haven’t realized they’ve been stuck.  Believing the painful feelings were useless, they stuffed them in a hole and clamped the lid down hard. Unfortunately, these locked away feelings didn’t just evaporate.  The process left them emotionally disconnected; both from themselves and others.  This happens more commonly in men, but depending on family history, culture and life experiences, anyone can find themselves victims of this invisible emotional prison.

Once freed from these subconscious “traps” clients report a wealth of memories of happier times flooding in.  Instead of being frozen in the moment of loss, that brief period of time becomes one slim volume in the entire library of their years of experience with that person.  The same applies where instead it’s been the loss of a beloved pet or valued position.

For some, just the understanding of what’s been keeping them locked in such a painful place can be enough to allow them to recover.   Others may benefit most from a few sessions with a qualified and experienced EFT practitioner.

To learn more about EFT, see or

Those wishing further assistance may contact me directly via email or toll free call.  Individual EFT sessions are available at my office or via Zoom video chat anywhere in North America.

To your good life.

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